A selection of funny jokes №2

*** I feel that the older I get, the more I want to pay for communal services at the post office.

*** — As a doctor, I'll tell you so, Maria, it's syphilis, but as a husband, I'll kill you!

*** I love two things: eating and sleeping. So if I share food with you and text you all night, you mean something to me.

*** — Doctor, after my divorce from my husband, I got much better, tell me what should I do? — Stop celebrating.

*** If you watch an advertisement on our TV, you get the impression that the inhabitants of our country are concerned about only three problems: dandruff, caries and menstruation.

*** The wife of a riot policeman, asks to somehow diversify her sex life, because she is already tired of muzzling the floor!

*** My son and father went fishing. The father says to his son: — Son, give me bread for feeding. — I ate it. — Then give me the porridge. — I ate it too. — Then finish the worms and let's go home.

*** — What didn't you sleep for? — If they hadn't given me, I would have slept.

*** I wanted to get a job in the government. They ask — what can you do? I answer — I dance well, I play badminton, well, I indulge in wine. They didn't take it, they said: this place is occupied.

** Grandma was happy that her grandson was eating well. But gradually the joy went away, because as the years passed, the grandson grew up and continued to eat up his grandmother's pension.